Communion is a very important sacrament in the Christian church. Some churches do it occasionally, some once a month, and some even do it every week. It is a time where we all drink some juice, and eat some bread, and remember Christ’s sacrifice for us.

This last time my church did communion, I was holding onto my bread and thinking about Christ’s body. Our pastor held up the bread and said “This is Christ’s body, broken for you. Take it and eat in rememberance.” Suddenly, this phrase that I have heard thousands of times before struck me a little differently. Christ’s body was broken, so that mine doesn’t have to be. Christ’s blood was shed so that I could bask in the glory and redemption that it contains.

See, I have struggled with so much shame and guilt over the fact that I am overweight. I have spent countless hours staring into the mirror, scolding myself for allowing my body to get to this place. I have fat shamed myself, I have spent so many days feeling uncomfortable and insecure in my own skin, and I have tried different methods to “fix” myself like diets and exercise plans. Then suddenly, during communion, I realized that I haven’t been living in Christ’s brokenness, I have been living in my own.

Christ allowed His body to be broken in the most gruesome and painful ways we could ever imagine, and He didn’t just do it for fun. Christ broke His body and let His blood flow so freely so that in His brokenness, we may be made whole. I’ve been making MY brokenness take front and center in my thoughts and heart, when I should really be making Christ’s brokenness the center of my very being.

When we focus on Christ’s death, and all that this means for us, (we are saved, covered in His grace, no longer separated from God and the list goes on and on) we focus less on our own earthly woes. My weight was a huge issue for me for so long, and I truly believe that it is because I wasn’t allowing myself to focus on the freedom and grace that I have received! I was so focused on being a slave to food and to literally loathing myself, that I missed that I was a beautiful beloved daughter of the King.

Focusing on Christ’s brokeness above my own allows me the chance to realize that the perfect cure to my brokenness is in fact Christ’s blood. It is so healing, so freeing, so cleansing, there aren’t even perfect words to describe it! Taking communion, we remember Christ’s blood, and in that process, we are allowing ourselves the chance to be healed all over again. Healing for me during my last communion meant realizing that being overweight doesn’t define me, being overweight doesn’t make me any lesser than anyone else, and Jesus doesn’t love me any less. It is okay to be fat, but I don’t believe that God wants us to remain discouraged and controlled by it.

By no means does this mean that we can abuse the blood that covers us, we are called to resist sin (gluttony is a sin btw, talking to myself here). For me that means I need to change a few habbits, maybe you do as well. But communion taught me that it is okay to be broken, and to leave that brokenness bathing in the healing blood of Christ. It is okay to embrace Christ’s brokeness and to embrace myself, fat rolls and all.