I have been fighting for a while now to find peace with my body. It is not easy, and I wish that I could say with 100% confidence that I have nailed it, but I would be straight up lying. Some days I rock it and feel cute, and when my husband compliments me I respond with a coy smile and an “I know”. Some days he compliments me and I cry because I feel so ugly and now I’m sad that I am married to a liar (ok so my hormones may play a little into this one as well).
Loving yourself isn’t easy. It takes a lot of soul searching and will power. It is natural for us to want our friends and family to be completely understanding of our quest for self love and body positivity! Unfortunately, not everyone will understand, and some people will probably even help you self-sabotage.
I am so beyond lucky to have a husband who is more supportive than I could have ever imagined, and this has been a HUGE help as I have searched for contentment with my body. However, not everyone has this same support system, and unfortunately, it is quite normal for us to run into people who just don’t get it.
Scenario: You are working at loving yourself and changing your attitude about yourself. You are hanging out with some friends who are cracking jokes about their bodies at their own expense and you decide that you will only speak positives about yourself. They get annoyed or frustrated that you wont join in and now its awwwwwkward. You go home and wonder why they aren’t supportive of your journey and suddenly the friendship is in a weird place. Feeling like no one understands and that you are tackling this huge emotional and spiritual journey alone can be very discouraging.
Don’t be discouraged, friend.
They aren’t mad that you want to be happy with yourself, they aren’t mad that you don’t want to crack jokes at your body’s expense anymore, they are mad because of what it brings up within themselves. They don’t want you to fail, they just don’t want a reminder that they themselves aren’t actually happy.
Some people are not okay with their bodies, and that is ok. Some people haven’t yet come to the realization that it is freeing to love yourself, regardless of what you look like. So when you talk about working on loving yourself, perhaps you are trigging the deep rooted insecurities and hatred (that we have also experienced deeply ourselves) that they feel towards themselves, and that isn’t an easy thing to process.
So this is my advice, love them. Don’t be offended that they can’t fully help you on your journey. They need to start their own journey first. Pave the way for them! Explain where you have been, take this as an opportunity to be vulnerable and open about all of the ugly thoughts you have had about yourself. Sometimes we just need to know that we aren’t alone when it comes to our insecurities. Use this as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with honest, ugly, messy and painful conversations. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if you don’t share your heart honestly, how will your friends ever get a chance to start this journey as well?
Don’t be discouraged, because it means that you are doing something right, and other people are seeing the results of that.
If you feel like you have no community that understands your body-positivity journey, email me! I’m here for you, heck I need community just as much as you do! firstname.lastname@example.org